Learn from the ones we fear the most and learn from the ones we hate the most.

← old
sorta march
2015 is sort of like 2014 except it's even better. It's like I'm drowning in good music. Hanhae, Ja Mezz, Zico, Unpretty Rapstar (CHEETAHHHHH MOTHER LOVE), No Mercy or Monsta X, Gaeko and Yankie, Vasco, SALTNPAPER, 4minute, Mamamoo, Zion.T and Crush, Drake, Kendrick, Imagine Dragons.. pretty much what I'm listening to these past few weeks. So much music and so much love.

School is rolling and Korean skills are progressing. The first semester was very chill in the way that I already knew everything. I know most of the stuff this semester as well, but there are a lot more moments where I sort of know things but I'm not 100% sure of how to use it and I'm able to get it confirmed through class this semester. It's so enjoyable studying language, the progress you make is very concrete and fulfilling and giving. It makes me happy. Then there's the worry that I won't ever get as good as I want to get at it, but I have mostly faith in myself and in this. It's what I love.

It's almost March and I really need to get a summer job this year, but I have still only applied for one. I really really wanted that job and thought I had a good shot at it but I didn't even get an interview. Oh well. I need to get myself together and apply for as much as possible these upcoming weeks. I really don't want another summer sitting around only dedicating myself to fandom. I will be applying for an introductory creative writing course online for this summer though which I'm excited about. Writing is something I have always wanted to do but something I have not really done. I am super scared of it, and taking this course would be a real challenge to me. I believe I'll have no trouble getting into this course since it's online so, I'm looking forward to the anxiety of submitting writing I have absolutely no faith in and receiving feedback. I feel that it's time to force myself out of this little comfortable box of mine and do something beyond writing little things on my super secret writing tumblr. It's not like I don't have things to write, I just don't really know how to go about it. Takes some loosening of the mind. Yas.

Also Twitter sucks. Seeing some of the most popular Twitter accounts in our fandom makes me feel sort of nauseous and ashamed.

it's christmas break and i'm very happy and occasionally depressed. no highs without lows, right? putting up with it. D-24 until school starts. mmm. there's love, right? different kinds. i don't really care for differentiating them, i don't see the point. anyhow i live for it and for my love for music and my favourite artist. never been as happy as i've been this year. all due to all of this love. 2014 going out with a bang and 2015 going in with a boom? rap monster either way. it's a good time, good love.

more nostalgia
Spent half day sleeping and the other half watching 미생. Coming back to life again. Nostalgic.
Best moments of 2014?
140223. Supreme Boi retweeted me. Supreme Boi is on Bangtan's twitter timeline which means my tweet was on their timeline and Namjoon saw my tweet for sure. Not a big deal but. It was a beautiful day and it counts. And Bangtan retweeted Emily. Huge.
140226. ASC. Just as an audience member but it was cool. I was on camera quite a bit in the beginning.
140227. Mnet Meet&Greet. Bangtan acknowledged me and read my message and dlkjfglfg.
140409. I asked Verbal Jint to say something controversial on twitter and he said "Fuck 고구마핏자". Legendary.
140528. ASC After Show. Let's just say I still can't believe???? this????? happened?????????
140625. Namjoon commented on one of my fancafe posts. The post was on behalf of one of my favourite artists and had nothing to do with me but. He commented on my post. And he got to take part of amazing art. "w3w".
140728. Saw Bangtan as they arrived at the airport. Complete mental breakdown and I couldn't even look at Namjoon and yeah. I realised I was not immune to Hoseok's fan service as he threw hearts through the bus window.
140729. Showcase and high five event. An even worse mental breakdown. I don't like to talk about it because I don't remember much.
140804. Namjoon wore this random as hell shirt I left in his gift box at the showcase. It wasn't worth taking a picture of and I kind of regret that now because I would've wanted to be able to verify it but oh well.

It's not like the rest of the year has been forgettable, it's just that nothing significant like the above really happened. I did well in school and I ended up on a path that I feel is right for me. I've loved a lot this year and I've been very happy. I shall run the bumps into the ground and keep struggling. 2015 will be good.

layout by ellie. image by erika.